I have almost never made a new year's resolution, but online events of the past month (I think we all know what I'm referring to) have prompted me, belatedly, to make some for this year, plus a couple more just for good measure. Instead of nine muses, I have nine resolutions. This post is partly humorous, but fundamentally, I'm quite serious.

1) I will not participate in arguments or discussions that confuse and conflate poetry and politics. (This will be a tough one to stick to, especially since it covers much of the ground of several other resolutions.)

2) I will not argue with several specific persons with whom I have publicly argued in the past. There is simply no point in expending the time and energy. As a starting point, I will not mention their names here.

3) I will not respond to attacks on my person or my character. (Another one that will be hard to stick to.)

4) I will not read comments after ten PM. It interferes with my already fitful sleep.

5) I will remember that when people talk trash to or about me online, they are responding to a mental effigy that has nothing whatsoever to do with me or what I have actually written. (The evidence for this is overwhelming.)

6) I will remember that I was never one of the cool kids, that I never liked the cool kids, and that I shouldn't ever try to be one of the cool kids.

7) I will not stoop, not even to conquer. (Another toughie, but I will try my best.)

8) I will always put my new and overpriced glasses in the same place when I take them off, so I won't ever again have to spend half a day looking for them.

9) I will again take off the fifteen pounds I lost while in the hospital last year (where I was able to eat nothing for a week) and during the period in which I had short gut syndrome following the removal of my tumor and a portion of my colon. The cancer diet needs to be good for something, after all.