Magic realism has become an international style, especially among writers from countries that still believe in magic. Better be safe than sorry, it can’t hurt, the gods and demons must be placated. Like the Chinese, Mexicans and southern Italians, Vietnamese are highly superstitious. They possess an unscientific mindset that allows them to believe just about anything... as long as there’s enough poetry in it.

A pregnant woman must never squat inside a doorframe, lest she will have a difficult childbirth. To avoid a late pregnancy, she must never step over a buffalo's harness. At the sight of the deformed and the handicapped, she must turn her gaze away. She should look often at the beautiful faces on calendars.

To ward off an outbreak of thrush, a child’s first excrement—an odorless yellow slime resembling egg yolk—is smeared into his mouth right after birth. At one month old, a baby’s scrotum is caressed upward with a warm hand, to prevent it from sagging. To tighten his nutsack, three pouches of uncooked rice could also be hung over a door, to be squeezed by people entering the room. If it’s a girl, a heated betel leaf is rubbed on the vagina, to prevent it from flaring. A child with a drowned relative must wear a brass anklet to insure against being “dragged" to a similar death later in life. Children under ten are discouraged from looking into a mirror, lest their soul, embodied by the mirrored image, should play tricks with them.

There’s no end to the superstitions. They are to guide you from the cradle to the grave. You must squash a snake’s head after you’ve killed it, else the head will return to bite you three days later. A chunk of cactus, latched to a door, prevents “bad spirits" from entering a house. Remove all buttons from a corpse’s clothing, else the spirit won’t be able to leave the coffin. In the house of the recently dead, a chalk “X" is drawn on all glass windows, to prevent the ghost from reentering. During the mourning period, strips of white cloth are tied to the legs of chairs and tables, ditto stems of plants, since a plant that does not grieve would surely die. When coffin sales are slow, a coffin maker would sleep inside a coffin to suggest death to the gods, to simulate/stimulate business.

Most interesting are brand new beliefs, reflecting contemporary life. Some people believe that an X-ray will trim a year or two from your longevity. Drinking milk will make your skin lighter, ingesting soy sauce will make it darker. Discussing a sensational murder, a Saigon woman told me that if the corpse’s eyes were wide open at the moment of death, the investigation was in the bag. “If they develop the frozen image in his eyes, they can see the murderer's face." The eyes are cameras, literally, in this woman’s eyes.

A former Vietcong, Mr. Hanh, told me about Bay Dom, a South Vietnamese general in charge of Chau Doc during the war: “Bay Dom could not be shot with a bullet. Once he dared an American advisor to shoot him several times, pointblank, with a pistol! But the American missed him each time! The only way to kill him was to shoot him in the eye!"

“Which eye?" I asked him.

“Either eye! The eyes and the asshole! But it has to be a bullet aimed right into the asshole. Once Bay Dom sat on a hand grenade but it would not explode!"

I thought it strange that Hanh would elevate a former enemy to a mythical figure. A scrawny man in his early 50’s, he wore a gold earring in his left ear and talked with a vast repertoire of hand flourishes and facial expressions. Later, his wife told me that her husband had become gay after a recent blood transfusion.

"You mean he’s HIV positive?"

"No, just gay."

Man as an animal. At first sight, the other is simply too weird and perhaps not fully human. He's more like an ape or the devil. Everything's off about him, from his dress to his table etiquette to his toilet manners. For the insanely narcissistic, this utterly otherness, this wrong, wrong, wrongness, can never be assimilated. We're also dirty, sure, but we've learnt how to contain, mask and package our shit. Not these filthy others. I find it interesting that Kafka, a German speaking Jew in a new Czech nation, dreamt up a small menagerie of talking and hybrid animals, from an "odradek" to chatty jackals, to a celebrity ape who first learnt to spit then, in a moment of triumph, blurted out, "Hallo!" Captured by sailors, his first human home was a ship, which was neither land nor sea but a rocking, artificial womb. He was a kidnapped, future slave and a boat person, or rather a boat ape, soon to become almost a person, by ways of the circus then the academy, his progress "accompanied by excellent mentors, good advice, applause and ochestral music." Seeing no place, no future for himself, he could never procreate, and I'm talking about Kafka here, not the ape, who had, as a companion, "a half-trained little chimpanzee and I take comfort from her as apes do."

[Some wild alliteration by George Herriman, from a Krazy Kat strip of December 11, 1938. Click to enlarge.] In Krazy Kat, a black cat is in love with a white mouse, who responds to the cat's affection by throwing bricks at him. In Musical Mose, Herriman's earliest strip, launched in 1902 and lasting only three episodes, a black musician tries to get gigs by "impussanat[ing]" other ethnicities. Hosed and stomped by two white women for pretending to be a Scot, Mose cries, "I wish mah color would fade." Back home, his wife asks, "Why didn't yo impussanate a cannibal?" Born in New Orleans, Herriman was probably of mixed races, but he never said so, so even his closest friends thought he was a Greek or a Frenchman, born in Paris. But what exactly is a "Greek," or a "Frenchman, born in Paris"? Herriman was a mutt, but who isn't, really? Every tribe is totally impure. I'm supposedly Vietnamese, but there are 57 ethnic groups in that country. Vietnam was also colonized by China for a thousand years. My last name, Dinh, is the same as the Chinese "Ding," and there was even a 20th century Chinese fiction writer, Ding Ling, with my exact name. If she were alive, I would definitely sue this broad for impussanating me. I should also drag Kafka's ape to court!

To escape ourselves, we pretend to be just about everything else. With love, self-love and spitefulness, we also think everything else wants to be us. I translate 13 anthropomorphic Vietnamese folk poems:

The wind escorts the moon; the moon escorts the wind.

When the moon sets, who can the wind be with?

The wind nudges the moonlit flowers.

You keep the bud, Miss, but the blossom is mine.

The wind nudges the water spinach and shallot.

It is a shame you have no father.

Gió đưa trăng thì trăng đưa gió.
Trăng lặn rồi gió biết đưa ai?
Gió đưa, gió đẩy bông trăng.
Bông búp về nàng, bông nở về anh.
Gió đẩy đưa rau đưa lá hẹ.
Cảm thương em có mẹ không cha.

*

Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon,
Come down here and hang out with me.
There's white rice in the pot,
And sticky rice in the pot,
Square rice cakes with bean paste,
A jug of wine and a straw mat,
A boy scooping for oysters, and a girl
Holding a baby. We can go watch the fishermen trawl.
There's a coconut-shell dipper in the water jar,
And a weaved basket for rinsing rice.
There's a comb for your hair,
Water buffalo working the rice paddies,
Water spinach in the pond,
Mr. Star in the sky.

Ông trẳng, ông trăng,
Xuống chơi với tôi,
Có bầu có bạn,
Có ván cơm xôi,
Có nồi cơm nếp,
Có nệp bánh chưng,
Có lưng hưu rượu,
Có chiếu bám du,
Thằng cu xí xoài,
Bắt trai bỏ giỏ,
Cái đỏ ẵm em,
Đi xem đánh cá,
Có rá vo gạo,
Có gáo múc nước,
Có lược chải đầu,
Có trâu cày ruộng,
Có muống thả ao,
Ông sao trên trời.

*

The moon comes down
To play with Mr. Chinh:
"Here, take my bell."
The moon comes down
To play with a pot:
"Here, take my cover."
The moon comes down
To play with a fig tree:
"Here, take my sap."
The moon comes down
To play with a mandarin's wife:
"Here, take some money."
The moon comes down
To play with a potter:
"Here, take a gourd."
The moon comes down
To play with a fishing pole:
"Here, take my hook."
The moon comes down
To play with a grapefruit tree:
"Here, take my flowers."
The moon comes down
To play with an egg-fruit tree:
"Here, take my fruits."
The moon comes down
To play with a woman:
"Here, take my husband."
The moon comes down
To play with a man:
"Here, take my wife."
The moon comes down
To play with a merchant:
"Here, take my elephant."
The moon comes down
To play with a banyan tree:
"Here, take my leaves."
The moon comes down
To play with a fish:
"Here, take my scales."
The moon comes down
To play with a scholar:
"Here, take my books."
The moon comes down
To play with a metalsmith:
"Here, take my knife."
The moon comes down
To play with a blacksmith:
"Here, take my hammer.
Give the blacksmith back his hammer, moon.
Give the metalsmith back his knife, moon.
Give the scholar back his books, moon.
Give the fish back its scales, moon.
Give the banyan tree back its leaves, moon.
Give the merchant back his elephant, moon.
Give the man back his wife, moon.
Give the woman back her husband, moon.
Give the egg-fruit tree back its fruits,,moon.
Give the grapefruit tree back its flowers, moon.
Give the fishing pole back its hook, moon.
Give the potter back his gourd, moon.
Give the madarin's wife back her money, moon.
Give the horse back its liver, moon.
Give the fig tree back its sap, moon.
Give the pot back its cover, moon.
Give Mr. Chinh back his bell, moon.

Ông trẳng, ông trăng
Xuống chơi ông Chính,
Ông Chính cho mõ.
Xuống chơi nồi trõ,
Nồi trõ cho vung.
Đến chơi cây sung,
Cây sung cho nhựa.
Đến chơi con ngựa,
Con ngựa cho gan.
Đến chơi bà quan,
Bà quan cho bạc.
Đến chơi thợ giác,
Thợ giác cho bầu.
Đến chơi cần câu,
Cần câu cho lưỡi.
Đến chơi cây bưởi,
Cây bưởi cho hoa.
Đến chơi cây cà,
Cây cà cho trái.
Đến chơi con gái,
Con gái cho chồng.
Đến chơi đàn ông,
Đàn ông cho vợ.
Đến chơi kẻ chợ,
Kẻ chợ cho voi.
Đến chơi cây sòi,
Cây sòi cho lá.
Đến chơi con cá,
Con cá cho vây.
Đến chơi ông thầy,
Ông thầy cho sách.
Đến chơi thợ ngạch,
Thợ ngạch cho dao.
Đến chơi thợ rào,
Thợ rào cho búa.
Trả búa thợ rào.
Trả dao thợ ngạch.
Trả sách ông thầy.
Trả vây con cá.
Trả lá cây sòi.
Trả voi kẻ chợ.
Trả vợ đàn ông.
Trả chồng con gái.
Trả trái cây cà.
Trả hoa cây bưởi.
Trả lưỡi cần câu.
Trả bầu thợ giác.
Trả bạc bà quan.
Trả gan con ngưạ.
Trả nhựa cây sung.
Trả vung nồi trõ.
Trả mõ ông Chính.

*

The cornstalk is the soybean's aunt.
The soybean is the cucumber's brother.
The cucumber is the cassaba melon's cousin.
The cassaba melon is the watermelon's mistress.
The watermelon is the corn stalk's uncle.
The corn stalk is the soybean's aunt.

Lúa ngô là cô đậu nành,
Đậu nành là anh dưa chuột,
Dưa chuột là ruột dưa gang,
Dưa gang là nàng dưa hấu,
Dưa hấu là cậu lúa ngô,
Lúa ngô là cô dưa chuột.

*

Ant, you're suing that sweet potato.
You're sneering that I'm too poor,
Who else are you going to live with?
I have nine piles of grain, ten water-buffaloes,
A fish pond with planks for washing your feet.

Con kiến mày kiện củ khoai,
Mày chê tao khó, lấy ai làm giàu?
Nhà tao chín đụn, mười trâu,
Lại thêm ao cá có cầu rửa chân.

*

What's more beautiful in a pond than a lotus?
Green leaves, white flowers, yellow stamens.
Yellow stamens, white flowers, green leaves,
Near mud but does not stink of mud.

Trong đầm gì đẹp bằng sen,
Lá xanh bông trắng lại chen nhị vàng.
Nhị vàng, bông trắng, lá xanh,
Gần bùn mà chẳng hôi tanh mùi bùn.

*

Listen, listen to this bird talk:
Always coming on is the cuckoo.
Not too nice, a crank, is the cormorant.
Working himself ragged is the teal.
Eavesdropping is the drongo.
Can't walk straight is the heron.
Won't come out at night is the snipe.
Eating by the potful is the pelican.
Snacking in the alley is the lark.
Pole vaulting is the peacock.
Having blue feathers and a red beak is the quail.
Always picking a fight is the plover.
Toting a bright book is the soothsayer hawk.
Having never been proposed to is the cotton feathers.
Living alone, a widow, is the peewit.
Having a steel stomach is the wagtail.
Won't tend to its own children is the duck.
With nothing to do, we talk about birds.
They eat, grow fat, follow each other away.
The weaver is smart, then clever.
The owl nests on a hillock at the edge of an island.
The racked-tail treepie has a bulletin:
When it calls, the sisters are coming.
The crows are just like men,
Coming back from a swim.

Nghe vẻ nghe ve nghe về cầm thú:
Hay quyến hay dụ là con chim quyên.
Nết ở chẳng hiền là con chim còng cọc.
Làm ăn mệt nhọc là con chim le le.
Nghe vẻ nghe ve là con chim chèo bẻo.
Chân đi khấp khẻo là con chim cò ma.
Tối chẳng dám ra là con chim mỏ nhác.
Chim ăn từng vạc là con chim chàng bè.
Chim ăn xó hè là con chim lảnh lót.
Cầm xào mà vọt là con chim công.
Đỏ mỏ xanh lông là con chim trĩ.
Đánh nhau binh vị là con chim bò sau.
Có sách cầm màu là con chim thầy bói.
Không ai cưới hỏi là con chim bông lông.
Ở góa không chồng là te te hoành hoạch.
Dạ bền tơ sắt là con chim chìa vôi.
Có đẻ không nuôi là con chim vịt.
Ngồi buồn kể các món chim.
Nó ăn nó lớn nó tìm nhau đi.
Dòng dọc nó khéo lại khôn.
Con cú lót ở đầu cồn con cù.
Chim khách nó đã đem tin:
Nó kêu thì có chị em tới nhà.
Quà quạ cũng như người ta:
Rủ nhau đi tắm đàng xa mới về.

*

The cat breaks a pan.
The dog comes round, gets hit.
The cat breaks a pot.
The dog leaves the house.

Con mèo đập bể nồi rang.
Con chó chạy lại nó mang cái đòn.
Con mèo đập bể nồi bầu.
Con chó nó rầu nó bỏ nó đi.

*

The cat sits on a palm tree,
Asks about Uncle Rat.
Uncle Rat is at the market, cat,
To buy shrimp paste and salt,
In memory of your dead father.

Con mèo ngồi trên cây cau,
Hỏi thăm chú chuột đi đâu vắng nhà.
Chú chuột đi chợ đường xa,
Mua mắm mua muối giỗ cha chú mèo.

*

The chicken clucked, pecked on a lime leaf.
The pig goes, oink, oink, buy me an onion.
The dog sobbed standing up, sobbed sitting down,
Said, Mother, please, buy me a dime's worth of galingale.

Con gà cục tác lá chanh.
Con lợn ủn ỉn mua hành cho tôi.
Con chó khóc đứng khóc ngồi.
Mẹ ơi, đi chợ mua tôi đồng riềng.

*

This heron is a yellow heron.
When your mother's away, who do you sleep with?
I'd stay with grandmother, but she has no breasts.
I'd stay with my uncle, but he's a man.

Cái cò là cái cò vàng.
Mẹ đi dắp đàng, con ở với ai?
Con ở với bà, bà không có vú.
Con ở với chú, chú là đàn ông.

*

This heron is a scowling heron.
You beat your wife often, who do you sleep with?
When I beat her, I beat her in the morning,
Never beat her at night, or you'll sleep alone.

Cái cò là cái cò quằm,
Mày hay đánh vợ mày nằm với ai?
Có đánh thì đánh sớm mai,
Chớ đánh chập tối, chẳng ai cho nằm.

*

The heron died last night,
Left two grains of rice and three coins,
One coin to buy an oboe and a drum,
One coin to buy fat for the altar lamp,
And one for a fistful of lady's thumb leaves,
To be chopped fine, in memory of the dead heron.

Cái cò chết tối hôm qua,
Có hai hạt gạo với ba đồng tiền,
Một đồng mua trống mua kèn,
Một đồng mua mỡ, đốt đèn thờ vong,
Một đồng mua mớ rau răm,
Đem về thái nhỏ, thờ vong con cò.