The Complaint: What Are You, Some Kind Of

Acturial plight Nostradamus Devil Bat
Overzealous might-winged flabbergast
Wholesale heathen plot worry wort
Sci-fi lexicon fomenter hassle-free
Quipster of the ring, of the planetary system
Of your choice, of the regrettable necessity
Of your selection, lover of the little village
You choose not to live in, sensationalist (tra-la)
On the wing (tra-la), ever breaded ever-beered contemporary
Of the witless, confessor of regional horrors,
Noxious last-man-in-town-who’d-smite-a-fly,
The delegate slated to spot the pattern,
Overamped readier of the champ, the clue
To all sensory discharge, protean scorn reposed,
A fine thing awry in your youth and others’,
Orphan of the phone, TV, stereo, stove, etcetera, yet
Promoter of the hack’s activities, duffer’s delight,
Haver of your own way, helloer of fortunes,
Traveled-fast hyperbole to hell and gone,
Globe-wide uncle of one, sensational at speed
And sleep, twister of like you did last summer,
Absent weekender, (and) faulty diner
Though deprecating in that, more fortunate
Than unfortunate kin, user of lotions
And marginal balms, believer, muscler in-er,
Frayer, no more than most, of fabulist nerves
In the cause of the fabulous, half-assed fighter
Of the swine, tippler, hoper for the best
While naughty in the tale, puker in the room,
Absolutist, habitual fucker, fucker
Of the young, Halifax (type) charmer, trickster there
In the wind, freezer of you monkeys, incipient whimperer
Of tummyache, any ache, shover of it regardless
Into your pocket, what-the-heller sometimes,
One-time holocaust fortifier, seen murderous Russian
With briefcase, meeter at the park in twenty minutes,
Thinker of something else, mondo tres flagrante,
Endorser, snuffer, in service to the fundament,
Turner, attender, lighter of the candles,
Blower of the candles out, some ugly,
Troublesome divine, lip-quick, occasionally poco loco,
Sucker, oft winter fond, sooth various, humble sinker,
Par considering, comer, turd, a good example,
Known chump, humper, two or three bricks shy of a load,
Thermal crackpot, wishy-wash, twit, object of the annual,
Of another, Bahama-bound, neo-passé poontang,
Lunge-monger, thrust-hustler, quasi-objectionable
Quasi-aged quasi-rookie, one of the boys and girls,
Binky, you admit, to your friends, hapless, potentially
Awarded winner, ropey of soul, rank specialist, signifier,
Roiling worm, symptom-listing, self-effulgent, no-show,
Knower of exactly how you feel (really), sleeper, boozer.
Blank-head, some Bub or other, lover, quick-draw, pleaser,
Size-queen or concerned consumer, wondrous in your turn,
Wrong, haunted, fraught, tamed, papacy bewildered,
Someone rarely associated with something (else), yet
A devoted supporter of just that now, one that once
Shook the hand that shook the hand of the one that’s sure enough
Now President, sooth-brooder, a fool humid tube, trumpet
To the fluke, reacher, neglectful, fruit-thinker, juiced,
Mourner, bruin-typed, oaf-souled, heavenly described,
Vapid grappler, feeler deeply, bone so, outré,
Vigorous hand washer, resenter of children or others
Openly fascinated, feckless defendant, drummin’ man,
“Fascinatin’ Rhythm” whistler, buff, let me
Have a biter, painter of things a certain blue,
Kicker and screamer, squabbler, to this day,
As I say, digger of that crazy beat?

by Steve Carey (1945-1989)