Generation X
I was born the autumn
after a wave of flowers
swept the land
too late to appear in even
one poem by Frank O'Hara
so my poems do not delight me
which until recently
I didn't even realize
was an option
I always just hoped
at best they could be
good-natured rebellious
first sons who wander
intently curious but
not too brilliant
as if Wordsworth scrubbed
of self-regard got drunk
on a Greek island
with L. Cohen and Marianne
then they all went to see
Emily putting on
a black dress to go out
and meet her dangerous love
under an arbor of stars
crying blood and nameless
birds with black eyes
that attack everyone
so she could not hang out
but gave them the other dress
I have always been afraid
to wear and some drugs too
and they took them and went
to a library and cried
then the intercom informs
the kids there is no threat
after all and rising up
from behind their desks
they reach out
with strange smiles
dear committee of the future
I could tell you I am almost
sure you will find my poems
unacceptable because
they appropriate the common
human experiences of fear
and desire taking little
sips from the nest
dumping bits of blue
into the river which until
my poems was more
than cerulean enough
but the truth is
I want you and everyone
to like them
so I sit up here born
too early and late
staring at these trees
their black leaves turning
slowly dull green
in the morning light of tasks
ashamed I actually open
my mouth to ask
mundane diurnal silence
to help me forget
whatever I know
so I can write
what I am sure
people will mostly
not read or tell me
no matter how clearly
I speak they sorrowfully
don't understand
then I switch on the hum
of my old device to listen
to the sons of no one
sing and remember
yes because I belong
to the first generation
that named itself
my great ambition has
always been to be
a loser with pointless integrity
that just serves the man
and with the fatal certainty
of the most useless
letter in the alphabet I know
to say who cares we've got
Kim Gordon and Deal
and these cigarettes
will just kill someone else
and there's always a job
for people who sort of
studied the quadrivium
and at least when we are
kissing their asses
we know it's wrong so
lovingly not forgiving
ourselves for hating ourselves
is the only solution
Copyright Credit: Matthew Zapruder, "Generation X" from Father’s Day. Copyright © 2019 by Matthew Zapruder. Reprinted by permission of Copper Canyon Press, www.coppercanyonpress.org.
Source: Father's Day