One Question
All my life
I have been trying to answer one question:
how to chart battles without starting wars
long shot some say
to catch that kind of truth
place it where anyone can see
one day/clear/as morning
another afternoon
the damn thing black like molasses
often
the body of it is as thick as love
in moments
hard as revolution
one question:
how to fight fire with warmth
I am only human
a frail light among other lights
we all flicker
fail each other
forgiveness is the thread that will always link us
lover
mother
stranger
even them that despise me
will only possess me
if I do not find a kernel of letting it go
if I am to thrive
I must plant such a seed
water the thing/I must tend it like an unexpected child
I have to love it
regardless of its genesis
fruit of the poisoned tree is still fruit
my mother maintains my father raped her
what then does she do with me
breathing still
in defiance of her rejection
the prickly part of being an activist
is being a writer
how do you tell your side of the story
without telling your torturer's tale
to make the telling good
to make it true
you have to always ask
one question:
how do I toe the line?
time and time again/you will have to pull back your rage
engage the facts
lay out the acts of occurrence
fuck your own commitment to reverence
a balanced hand
a nuanced stroke of reportage
this is how you say what really happened
against your most basic inclination
rein in the urge to blast the motherfuckers
do not call them motherfuckers
if it is stone/call it stone
do not even allow for rock
or pebble
stone-cold the truth
be ruthless in your honesty
tell only what is necessary to propel the action forward
dust your petticoats off
stand firm in your platform of integrity
when all is said and done
let it not be whispered
that you were murky in your trust
one question should guide you
intention or honor
glory or gain
love or revolution
the options are all the same
in name or deed
the creed must be outside the realm of reproach
and if you fuck up
you pen your apologies
publicize them
print them on every page that will allow
follow your gut
the butt of all truths leads back to your middle
fiddle with your listening parts
tune in
thin the walls that separate you from yourself
find that one question
answer it
if you can
plan to spend your whole life
telling
not only the hardships you have endured
but also
the terror others have lived through
because of you
Staceyann Chin, "One Question" from Crossfire: A Litany for Survival. Copyright © 2019 by Staceyann Chin. Reprinted by permission of Haymarket Books.
Source: Crossfire: A Litany for Survival (Haymarket Books, 2019)