Love Song No. 3

i'm crazy bout that chile but she gotta go.

she don't pay me no mind no mo. guess her

mama was right to put her out cuz she

couldn't do nothin wid her. but she been

mine so long. she been my heart so long

now she breakin it wid her bad habits.

always runnin like a machine out of control;

always lookin like some wild woman trying

to get some place she ain't never been to.

always threatenin me wid her looks.

wid them eyes that don't blink no mo.

i'm crazy bout her though, but she got to go.

her legs walkin with death every day and

one day she gon cross them right in front of

me and one of us will fall.

here she cum openin the do. comin in wid

him. searchin the room with them eyes that

usta smile rivers, searchin for sumthin to

pick up sumthin to put her 18 years into.

how can i keep welcomin her into my house? how

can i put her out the way her mama did

when she 16 years old and fast as lightnin?

she still got baby fat on her cheeks.

still got that smile that'll charm the drawers

off ya. hee hee hee.

it's gittin cold in here. that's a cold

wind she walkin with. that grandbaby of mine.

rummagin the house wid her eyes.

rummagin me wid her look.

where you been to girl? been waitin for you

to come home. huh. how you be walter?

you looking better today girl. marlene

baby we need to talk. we need to sit

down and talk bout what you doin

wid yo life, i ain't gon be here forever. but

this money i give you every day.

this money you usin to eat up your bones every day.

this money you need mo of each day is

killin you baby. let me help you outa

this business you done got yo self into.

let me take you to the place miz jefferson

took her son to. you too young and pretty

and smart to just spend yo days walkin

in and out of doors.

yes. i has yo money. yes. i be here when

you come back. but. but. but. alright. Here's

10 dollars. from now on out jest 10 dollars

outa yo mama's insurance money.

that all you need to waste each day on

that stuff. jest 10 dollars. no. i'm not

foolin girl. jest 10 dollars.

what i remember bout her wuz

she was so fat. such a fat baby.

wid smiles. creases. all over her body.

her mama had to work weekends

so she stayed wid me and i sang

and played the radio for her and

the smiles multiplied on her body.

jest one big smile she wuz.

harlem ain't no place to raise a

child though, the streets promise so

much but they full of detours fo

young girls wid smiles on they

bodies. i usta sit on the stoop and

watch her jump doubledutch. her

feet bouncin in and out of that

rope like a ballerinas. i could see

two of her inside that rope she

went so fast. multiplyin herself

on these harlem streets outloud. hee hee hee.

she usta run so fast i couldn't get

these old legs of mine to keep up wid her.

i called out: marlene baby. you jest

remember to stop at the corner. you jest

remember to stop fo you git hit by one

of them cars. you jest remember to stop.

Stop it now girl. i ain't studyin you.

stop shovin me. stop it now. you ain't

gittin no mo money. jest the ten dollars.

you got to have sumthin for when you

older. this insurance money your mama

left is you security. yo future.

stop it now girl fo you hurt yoself

help me up offa this floor and put

down that hammer girl. ahahahah.

ahahahahahah. don't hit me no mo marlene.

i got to stand up, move

towards her try to touch her wid these

hands that worked in every house in Bklyn

and Longisland to give her them pretty

dresses she usta wear. heeheehee.

i got to try to turn toward her babyfat.

stop it. marlene. AHAHAHAH.

holy jesus. jesus it hurts. holy jesus.

she see me cryin now she gon stop.

she gon remember when i picked her up from her tricycle

and her head wuz bleedin and i run

her to harlem hospital movin like a madwoman

she gon remember how i held

her tears in my dress.

she gon remember how her arms reached out

to me when the doctor gave her them stitches.

i jest gon reach up to her arm with that hammer.

give me you arms again baby. it's you granmama.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

ohmyjesuswhyhasyouforsakenus?

huh? nobodygonrememberherwhenimgone.

theyonlygonseeherwhitebonesstretchedout

againsttheskynobodygonrememberher

younglegsrunningdownlenoxavenuelessenido

marlenebabygivemeyoarms . . . ahahah.

nobody gon remember me . . .

Source: Wounded in the House of a Friend (Beacon Press, Boston, Massachusetts, 1995)