from “Lamentation”

     (for my father, on his dying)

(1)
In worded a world
how broken
from beginning:

sunburst and blossoms all
subterfuges
of creation ruses

of beauty –
fragrant thicket no less
complicit:

we exist
in a shattered vessel
shards at our bare feet –

Someone’s mother cries out
Stand still or
you’ll get hurt – and

you try hard in the slivered
moment
not to move.

(2)
Day asks: What does it matter
puting this anticipated
loss

on the page our
un-readiness
for imagined emptiness

of after –
why
direct half-

worded sorrow to tell
his tale or
your own

inked in another – it’s
just another
loss what

does it matter
it has always been
already

shattered –
Day asks
then asks again.

(3)
Because what
can be said?
In the end

the spoken stands
with bare spindly arms
around

its unspoken
brother   what
fear

fastens
with tight knots to
your ravaged throat so

what you do
speak is always
poor and pale

shadows
of what
you do not.

(4)

You are dying.

But you do not say so
we do not say –
together

in steadfast
not-saying
alone

the winds orbit
echoing inner chambers where
we linger in

your researching
options thick
folders of studies

long letters to the scattered
family reports
of shifting numbers

platelets and neutrophiles
knotted
defiance of

your fall.

(5)

But our alphabet
aleph-bet
              aleph

prepares itself
for radical
              unraveling:

aleph   at
           abyss edge
           acerbic sky above and
           air or ache all
           abeyant but un
           abating

bet    because
                      ballast or balm
                      bond to
                      before behind be
                                            always

aleph
           again un
           availed avale our
           Av awhile then
           away and
                       absent

Aba

(6)

Six feet tall broad and bearded
traveling a world
(in a hospital bed)

professor and scientist
(huddled under
the covers)

in coat and tie commanding
(post-chemo hair white wisps
wistfully

soft) an auditorium
of students.
When I’d describe you

it would always be:
He’s a large man, he fills
the room  (wound

at your neck
gaping)  oh
small child

of poverty –
always
your wide-chested gestures

of generosity.

(7)

Thus loss
installs itself among us   looses
an arrow –

Bow bent
we are set
as mark for the arrow

into unblemished skies
scars each hour our
forever altered

father
failing
falling

toward
harrowed
           Oh bollow

the heart’s a
hollow, a hole in which, a window in
which, a cloud –

earth.

(8)

Cut loose  (not
yet)  we are
at

a loss
we are
in

a loss
and 
lost in

lost to
what
we are

bound to
bound by
now slowly

losing
in days
and numbered

hours.

(9) Dream-inquiry 1

There were mourners in the orchard
           under the almond blossoms
                                 wrapped in black
prayer shawls
           their feet bare in the dirt
                                 heads bowed
before day’s last
           golden thread & hue and
                                 I knew
when night would
           lie down at last among
                                 nestled leaves in
the steep
           and stolen instant, then
                                 the gathered mourners
together
           would lift their black shawls
                                 to suddenly tassled winds
and take
flight –

Deaths shadow
is always white.

Copyright Credit: Rachel Tziva Back, "Lamentation" from A Messenger Comes. Copyright © 2012 by Rachel Tziva Back. Reprinted by permission of Rachel Tziva Back.