Fragment Thirty-six

I know not what to do:
my mind is divided.

—Sappho

I know not what to do,

my mind is reft:

is song's gift best?

is love's gift loveliest?

I know not what to do,

now sleep has pressed

weight on your eyelids.

Shall I break your rest,

devouring, eager?

is love's gift best?

nay, song's the loveliest:

yet were you lost,

what rapture

could I take from song?

what song were left?

I know not what to do:

to turn and slake

the rage that burns,

with my breath burn

and trouble your cool breath?

so shall I turn and take

snow in my arms?

(is love's gift best?)

yet flake on flake

of snow were comfortless,

did you lie wondering,

wakened yet unawake.

Shall I turn and take

comfortless snow within my arms?

press lips to lips

that answer not,

press lips to flesh

that shudders not nor breaks?

Is love's gift best?—

shall I turn and slake

all the wild longing?

O I am eager for you!

as the Pleiads shake

white light in whiter water

so shall I take you?

My mind is quite divided,

my minds hesitate,

so perfect matched,

I know not what to do:

each strives with each

as two white wrestlers

standing for a match,

ready to turn and clutch

yet never shake muscle nor nerve nor tendon;

so my mind waits

to grapple with my mind,

yet I lie quiet,

I would seem at rest.

I know not what to do:

strain upon strain,

sound surging upon sound

makes my brain blind;

as a wave-line may wait to fall

yet (waiting for its falling)

still the wind may take

from off its crest,

white flake on flake of foam,

that rises,

seeming to dart and pulse

and rend the light,

so my mind hesitates

above the passion

quivering yet to break,

so my mind hesitates

above my mind,

listening to song's delight.

I know not what to do:

will the sound break,

rending the night

with rift on rift of rose

and scattered light?

will the sound break at last

as the wave hesitant,

or will the whole night pass

and I lie listening awake?

Copyright Credit: Hilda Doolittle, "Fragment Thirty-Six" from Heliodora and Other Poems. Copyright © 1924 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Public Domain.

Source: Heliodora and Other Poems (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 1924)