The Thief

          My wife and I were spending a quiet night at home. She was reading

a magazine on the couch and I was reading my novel in my chair. I said,

“Darling, can I fix you a cup of hot chocolate?” She said, “That would

be great.” So I got up and went into the kitchen and started to boil the

milk. A few minutes later I handed her the cup. “Hmmm, smells great.

Thank you, darling,” she said. I sat down and resumed my reading. She

said, “Did you know a tiger has the same number of bones in it as a monkey?”

“I don’t believe it,” I said. “And a whale has the same number as a mouse.”

“Get out of here,” I said. “These are some little known facts discovered

by a man named John D. Baxter,” she said. “He must be crazy,” I said.

Then we were quiet for a while. I looked over and she was asleep. I went

on reading my novel. Then I put my novel down and got up and started to

tiptoe around the house. I went into our bedroom and over to the dresser.

I opened up Mitzy’s jewelry box and let the jewels run through my fingers.

There were some fantastic pieces in there, diamonds, rubies, emeralds. I

thought about stealing some, but felt creepy about it. I put them back in

the box and tiptoed back into the living room. I tripped on the coffee table

and went crashing down. Mitzy woke with a start. “Go back to sleep,”

I said. “What was that?” she said. “I tripped, that’s all,” I said.

She started to get up. “Where are you going?” I said. “I want to look in

my jewelry box,” she said. “Why?” I said. “I dreamed somebody was trying

to steal something in there,” she said. She went into the bedroom and

looked in the box, then came out. “It’s okay,” she said. “Well, I’m glad,”

I said. She got back on the couch and picked up her magazine. “Did you

know jellyfish have bigger brains than humans?” she said. “I don’t believe

it,” I said. “Well, they do. It says right here,” she said.