My Dad Says

I can do anything, so I try yoga nidra

to see if I can find him.

He’s been dead four years now

though I tell people when they ask, two. Just two.

My mind refuses what it wants

even if I haven’t lost anything.

One day I caw like a seagull

swooping in for a long dive.

Another, I am hunger waking up the bear.

Today I go to the trees to listen

and he is an old cedar, but sweeter than that.

When I was a girl, I knew I’d never be a girl exactly.

He was the only one who knew it

and let me run wild, would never tell the others.