At Night I Fly

I soar with the red-tailed hawk.

I battle demons, blocking, kicking,

And screaming.

Sometimes gliding during the day,

Looking out of my window theater,

A narrow slit at the back

Of   the cell,

3 inches wide and 3 feet long.

I cherish the buzzards, turkeys, geese,

Deer, wild dogs, coyotes, snakes,

And rock doves.

I see spiders sparring

At different levels in the windowsill.

Sometimes I see my past

In the window theater.

Even after 4 decades in prison

Not one day goes by

Without me hating myself

For the life I took.

Sometimes I sprain my foot

Kicking the walls

In my dreams.

Why was I chosen to kill

And not be killed?

I get up from my bunk,

Broken with remorse and sorrow,

The pain eating at my marrow.

I wonder when is enough enough.

Here where I must live

Every moment

And breathe in every breath.

Here in my window theater at night

I dream of  ruby-painted toes.

Isn’t it enough you keep me away

From people I could surely help,

From clean water, nutritious food?

Isn’t it enough you keep me away

From family and friends so long

Most have passed on?

You keep me away from a woman’s breath,

Touch, scent, and voice.

Isn’t it enough you keep me away

From resting my head

In her lap to sleep or weep?

Whose sins am I praying

For now after 41 years?

I look in my window theater

And see no moon tonight.

Look at the first picture

Of me incarcerated.

Look at me today.

You don’t see the changes?

Close your eyes and you’ll see

Inside change as well.

How can a man stay sane

And not have a woman in his life?

It is hell, when you see

A woman and cannot say hello

To her as a man to a woman.

Isn’t it enough you keep

Me away from accomplishing

Many of my goals?

Isn’t it enough you keep me away

From flowers and deserts,

From parks, valleys, mountains,

Rivers, trees, and seas,

Mountains and dreams

That I could see

From the barred window theater.

Isn’t it enough.