Death Wish

I ask when

is the last time you returned yourself to yourself. I

am a hypocrite to make

you answer what I cannot. Love

is a death wish between two men bold enough to believe in it. To

love you is to fade daily. To leave you

is to die sooner. When I

was a boy, I would try

to see how long I could hold my breath. With-

holding would become a weapon one day. Each

theft, my pride and possession. Every stroke

of midnight brings its own lost slipper. Full of

beg, I wait for a prince longing to give my

breath back to me. Heretic tongue,

I will never admit what he means to

me. Will say

he was simply a game I

could not pass up. Love

is a death wish between you

and the you you’re becoming. I will never admit to

him that his love feels like a tease

from God. A gift I

only deserve as prelude to punishment. Love

is a bluff  between goodbye and forever. You

give yourself to the gamble, to

the breathlessness that is a hammer

on your chest. I

will never admit what his love

is to me. Could you

blame me? Firm as ice, given over to

the power of his touch. Left to melt

into a nothingness that I

no longer recognize. Love

is a death wish, paid in blood.  Just for you.