Notes on Desire

i gulp this sadness like thirst / i want to be cuddled in it / i want to empty myself in it

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mother said the first thing she notices about me is my quiet face / underneath which lies the tremor / so subtle / you’d dream my hands into a nightingale

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this absence / this longing / so humble / i strew them like sunlight into my prayers

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father wraps himself / up as a gift / says there’s no greater education than this

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i am never enough / i live in the shadows / somewhere between desire & envy / i do not wish to hurt a thing

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at school / i am constantly looking for my image / i see a boy with coated nails & vaseline as lip gloss / we sit at the love garden to share our wounds

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does it hurt where you come from?

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please promise me this will end / the sound of desire is so loud / it burns like coal

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last night / i let a boy walk into my throat / i want to please him / i want him to hold me & call me / pretty / my little emptiness / i want to see the reason to live in his eyes

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yesterday / he sent / i dreamt of you / which means i’ve missed you / when are we seeing again? / this longing tethered to me makes me feel more alive

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clean history is a sham / every day i am running to find a boy who looks like me / let’s build a home / where we dream our soft bodies into full beings

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my parents have two children / both boys / mother wanted a girl / one she could trade clothes with / my coursemate says god has a sense of humor / i don’t agree / he morphs one into a beautiful helpless flower / that is made ugly by plucking / he finds his humor in the hands plucking it