Theory of Mesh

There has to be a part of nonpossession

       that’s still relation. There has to be a purity without closedness.

             Purity, almost

                                               without consciousness, loneliness, a pure

                                                  energy, pure

                    person, I hope to sustain always an energy that’s very pure.

 

                       I had spent a year trying to write only in long lines. I had

                             thought,

   I will write a Lucie Brock-Broido line but even longer. I will write a poem

      obsessed

with sleep. Duration. Then

                          I read a book by Mei-mei Berssenbrugge. I realized

                               what I was writing was a Mei-mei Berssenbrugge line.

                                   When

                   things like this happen I

                                know why I’m writing. Theory

                          of mesh. I came back

to New York. There was a collection of Rachel

    Kushner’s essays in every bookstore. In each one,

                      with S, I read her essay on Duras. Things happened to Duras,

                         Kushner writes, “that she never

             experienced.” The story of Duras and the older Chinese lover was

                  a legend

                         which, having ripened during her whole life, finally

               came true in The Lover. Her best book. Which means she had

                 to write

  it until it felt like experience. As,

               ​​​​​    ​​​​I think, does Kushner. In her novels, with

                                                her life, in her own way. It’s why I love her

                     ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​     essay. It’s why her essay

   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​       is familiar like the road home with

someone suddenly new. I was visiting H’s place in Queens and their

​​​​​​​   roommate C told us

   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​     ​​​​​​​  ​about Leonora Carrington. In C’s print of

   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​      ​​​​​​​   ​​​​​​​  ​​​​​​​ And Then We Saw the Daughter of the

                                              Minotaur, who

                                               is the Minotaur’s daughter, C asks us. I think

                                                  it’s the dancer

      the dogs see, I love the dogs. C says the Minotaur’s daughter is

everything we see after the painting. Maybe. That much. Looking

                   away is everything. Maybe. At the center

                                                              of looking away, being gone

                        is everything. Leonora H. Kushner. Mei-mei

C. Duras. It was true: I didn’t come here to not  fall in love. Writes Kushner

    of New York. In

        the mesh who is she talking to. In a dream

                                  my family photos were taped onto photos

                                              of the distant star and then, as the dream

          reached its point of inflection, I realized the star could see us

            through our backsides, and,

     somehow, you were part of it, you were part of the dream, then part of

       the star, part

 of the seeing,

                      by being the one outside it, the one element

of waking. In her note at the end

                       of Empathy, Berssenbrugge wrote—I was living alone

                       in northern New Mexico. Wrote—I met Georgia

                    O’Keeffe, Agnes Martin. Wrote—I wanted to feminize

                       and philosophic language. Wrote—The slow arc

​​​​​​​

And then we saw the daughter of the Minotaur.

                             The key to all the work up to this point.