Julius Caesar

I believe that James McAvoy is a type of Caesar. But he never stays

in character long enough to make it hold. Now when pirates had

Caesar caught in a trap off the coast of Rhodes, he demanded that

they ask for more than double the ransom. When Caesar says,

do this, it is performed. These fishermen, his kidnappers (is “kidnapped”

too strong?), accepted his request as he recited poetry to them on a throne

of flour. Two months after paying the ransom, with the aid of a private

army, he squeezed the yolk out of these men. We’re doomed. I know

we can’t all be Moses but have you noticed that superstars always want to

play our parts. There’s this dialogue where Nicholas Garrigan, played

by McAvoy, is rebuked by Idi Amin—You promised to me you would help me

build a new Uganda. McAvoy doesn’t answer. Don’t you know that that’s

how they take us? It is Bura’s Desperado Sacrifice. Forcing the Black king

to h8 doesn’t seem to accomplish much, but it makes all of the difference

in just two moves. (1. Qxh8 2. Xxa1 Qd4). Crossing a runway is not

like crossing the street, especially when your Black king is a counterfeit

played by Forest Whitaker and his lazy eye. Planes have been hiding in

the air. This duty-free gin is a useless placebo. But rumour has it Miss

America Tawny Godin from Yonkers has a smile you want all to yourself.

The thing about my country is that there is always somebody ready to say

—You’re mine. Maybe I should have led with that. Anyway, it’s your move.