Captain Haddock vs. the PTA

Bewildered Saint of the curse, bulbous

& profane, I invoke you against this Nest

Of Lice & Vipers: O volcanic Captain, I implore you, pour

Your scorn upon these Borgias; before these Braggarts

Unfurl your thick invective, show your bullet head

Whiskey-pickled, weathered & pupilless, sweating

In a bantam rage, your sad-fish face a fist;

Ostrogothic versus the matrons

Voluble against the Vampire’s slander

Because I would never say Vivisectionist to her face

While you old Captain Fatstock, Hopscotch, Havoc

Denouncer of Bullies, Knitters & Bandits

Live to make the air around you frantic

To spill your black lake of Cannibal ink.

Source: Poetry (July/August 2009)