Warning:

A can of self-defense pepper spray says it may

irritate the eyes, while a bathroom heater says it’s

not to be used in bathrooms. I collect warnings

the way I used to collect philosophy quotes.

Wittgenstein’s There’s no such thing

as clear milk rubs shoulders with a box

of rat poison which has been found

to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Levinas’ Language is a battering ram—

a sign that says the very fact of saying,

is as inscrutable as the laser pointer’s advice:

Do not look into laser with remaining eye.

Last week I boxed up the solemn row

of philosophy tomes and carted them down

to the used bookstore. The dolly read:

Not to be used to transport humans.

Did lawyers insist that the 13-inch wheel

on the wheelbarrow proclaim it’s

not intended for highway use? Or that

Curling iron is for external use only?

Abram says that realists render material

to give the reader the illusion of the ordinary.

What would he make of this injunction? Shin pads

cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

I load boxes of books onto the counter. Flip

to a yellow-highlighted passage in Aristotle:

Whiteness which lasts for a long time is no whiter

than whiteness which lasts only a day.

A.A.ers talk about the blinding glare of the obvious:

Objects in the mirror are actually behind you.

Electric cattle prod only to be used on animals.

Warning: Knives are sharp. Thank you!

What would I have done without: remove infant

before folding for storage, Do not use hair dryer

while sleeping, Eating pet rocks may lead to broken teeth,

Do not use deodorant intimately?

Goodbye to all those books that sought to puncture

the illusory world—not unlike the warning on the

polyester Halloween outfit I bought for my son:

Superman costume will not enable you to fly.

Source: Strong-Armed Angels (Hummingbird Press, 2008)