My Melissa,
By TC Tolbert
whose trans body is a house without a hacksaw, a nap inside
a needle, a glass vase ¾ full of smooth stones;
whose trans aorta is a mesquite tree careening through power lines, a Cooper’s Hawk
lit by lightning; whose trans lungs are two jars full
of bumblebees singing on the uncovered back porch. Even our name is a match
tossed into the fire it started, an edgeless invocation. Melissa, a wind
made by swinging; grass cutting through concrete; bubble-wrap being danced on,
albeit slowly, as if that alone could quiet the tiny explosions down the hall. Whose
trans articular cartilage is string light threaded through the rafters; whose trans
tunica media is a sliver of decorated cardboard doubling as a protest
sign inside the window, which only serves to emphasize the window’s
inefficacy
against the sun; whose trans epiglottis is an apron
on a hook; whose trans trapezius are cups in the sink filled
with inconsistently directed knives and spoons; whose trans metatarsals are
green beans boiling on the stove; whose trans subclavian artery is organ
pipe cactus under cloud cover; whose trans left ventricle is a black-capped goldfinch hanging
upside down to eat; whose trans lesser trochanter is a hen’s claw growing around a rope;
whose trans great saphenous veins are technologies of prediction—tarot, storm-
tracker, political polls; whose trans dead space is the undeniable pollution
of light; whose trans thyroid cartilage is commissioned
graffiti; whose trans facial hair is the gentrifier yelling
gentrification; whose trans erythrocytes are dapples of daylight
drug across a concrete block wall; whose trans stroke volume is a live-
streamed filibuster; whose trans plasma is the intimacy
of strangers immediate in an emergency; whose trans plasma proteins are women
filling a courtroom—one by one approaching the judge—performing
all the mental and physical labor of obtaining a divorce; whose trans
integumentary system
is the myth of meritocracy; whose trans rectum is a local philanthropic institution;
whose trans bile is the taste of a slap echoing in your mother’s open palm;
whose trans femoral vein is a cat’s claw’s crafted search for the sun;
whose trans pharynx is an empty building brimming with trampolines; whose trans ovaries
are interrobangs used unironically; whose trans ureter is
a stop sign stuffed with bullet holes near a ditch filled with sunflowers near a wasp’s
nest near a farm. Sometimes I’m afraid I am afraid
of me, my trans sympathetic nervous
system, my trans fatigue
cracks, my trans 1st Corinthians 3:16 training
the god right out of my trans temple,
all trans dove, no savior; a trans baptism, holy
to be a fire (trans) trembling in the tear of the trans (daughter, trans) tongue. How I love you
now, my trans vagina, my trans manubrium, my trans Melissa, in every iteration TC
Melissa Dawn Tolbert who was even once
a Harrison, a wife to a husband; it is possible she loved
me then too. Hiding can she hear me
say thank you. To my trans uterus, my trans pectoralis major, my trans penis: the highest point
on earth is in the ocean. Sea stars, our body’s becoming. A trans prayer. An infinite, inexhaustible
rhizome of the heart. You,
whose tragus is trans, whose kidneys, whose medulla oblongata, whose
adrenal glands, whose cochlea, whose pleural space; whose trans sacrum is simultaneous,
the site of the storm and the keel of a storm-scored boat.
Whose trans arrector pili muscle is the fact that no matter when this
sentence is read, it will be true
that someone somewhere is trying to survive a sexual assault; whose trans inferior
vena cava is a clock that has not yet been hung on the wall.
I love you time, how trans you are.
Your trans boredom, ribbon-sharp and meadow-bold. You, whose bark is
trans; whose recovery, whose lumen, whose partial pressure
(trans), in order to live, must continue to respond to changes in the lungs.
Source: Poetry (May 2020)