Double Helix Kyrie
In English and American Sign Language (ASL) gloss
its still hard to enunciate
ghosts talk how-how
not easy to master
context none
its glossary is impossible
me life complain-complain list
but i want forgiveness
mistake-mistake long-ago
im a jumble
find mouth gibberish-gibberish
even vowels have
can’t impossible
whats left are my hands
grab s-h-a-d-o-w experience
& breaking free in the sun
one day world over o-r-p-h-a-n-s
will gather not in rage & sorrow
but all-us together warm out
of loneliness standing
b-r-i-c-k wall west a-r-c-h street
where i once stood &
envision revenge
my wings of sin are heavy
rage constant-constant not enough
to enable me to fly
still all-us o-r-p-h-a-n-s
will nod slowly to each other
stand-in-rows-move-together
through each city in the world
people out-there recognize will
the most powerful sound
loud noise not-matter
grief is untranslatable
grief force-us not ready
moving as one
shout-shout for-for
our stories will carry in the air
same-same wind-wind north
gusting about
wind-wind enter-our-mouths
for that kick of memory
me ghost happen body have finish
who shouldve belonged
but my story unique not
i got stuck in the mucky rut
between life death choose which
lies & more lies
you twin mine dark bright
youre not a ghost youre alive
suffer-suffer yours mine same
let me absolve you of its weight
cry-cry here-shoulder go-ahead
you can cry all you want
you twin me cherish-deep
why did you have to miscarry
you stand-stand eyes-transfixed
i would never let you go
if happen me die
when the heavens crack
sun ray-falling-down
floodlighting your face
you age never
our feet already on that ladder
memory telepathy
we would climb rising together
arms-around-each-other
our petal cells dividing
c-e-l-l-s divide-divide-up-around
until we are whole again
birth again
signing & singing
us-two language one finish
ghosts talk how-how
not easy to master
context none
its glossary is impossible
me life complain-complain list
but i want forgiveness
mistake-mistake long-ago
im a jumble
find mouth gibberish-gibberish
even vowels have
can’t impossible
whats left are my hands
grab s-h-a-d-o-w experience
& breaking free in the sun
one day world over o-r-p-h-a-n-s
will gather not in rage & sorrow
but all-us together warm out
of loneliness standing
b-r-i-c-k wall west a-r-c-h street
where i once stood &
envision revenge
my wings of sin are heavy
rage constant-constant not enough
to enable me to fly
still all-us o-r-p-h-a-n-s
will nod slowly to each other
stand-in-rows-move-together
through each city in the world
people out-there recognize will
the most powerful sound
loud noise not-matter
grief is untranslatable
grief force-us not ready
moving as one
shout-shout for-for
our stories will carry in the air
same-same wind-wind north
gusting about
wind-wind enter-our-mouths
for that kick of memory
me ghost happen body have finish
who shouldve belonged
but my story unique not
i got stuck in the mucky rut
between life death choose which
lies & more lies
you twin mine dark bright
youre not a ghost youre alive
suffer-suffer yours mine same
let me absolve you of its weight
cry-cry here-shoulder go-ahead
you can cry all you want
you twin me cherish-deep
why did you have to miscarry
you stand-stand eyes-transfixed
i would never let you go
if happen me die
when the heavens crack
sun ray-falling-down
floodlighting your face
you age never
our feet already on that ladder
memory telepathy
we would climb rising together
arms-around-each-other
our petal cells dividing
c-e-l-l-s divide-divide-up-around
until we are whole again
birth again
signing & singing
us-two language one finish
explain difficult-difficult whew
the language of ghosts
learn fingersnaps can’t
subtexts with no context
g-l-o-s-s-a-r-y impossible
im a catalog of grievances
but me want forgive-forgive still
in my concordances
me try speak-speak
of nonsensical idioms
v-o-w-e-l-s speak-speak
vanished from my tongue
left what hands-these
having captured shadow itself
stand wide-open sun-fall-on-face
one day all orphans of the world
gather together will not angry sad
but in that hazy aura
stand lonely where
by the brick wall on west arch street
me long-ago stand alone
daydreamed revenge
my wings heavy why me sin finish
rage alone isnt enough fuel
wings-fly can’t
together these orphans & i
nod-nod-nod-each-other
together we will walk as one
each city world touch-touch-touch
people shall hear our massive silence
silence power strong
no matter how anyone tries
grief translate-translate impossible
we learn it when we dont want to
stand-in-rows-move-together
we dont have to shout epithets
individual story-story float-swirl-up
just like the north winds
gust-gust
they only have to breathe us in
us-awaken remember wow
im just a ghost made of flesh
hearing family fit-right-in should
but you know what happened
me stuck same-old-same-old
between alive & dead
hearing family lie-lie build-build-up
my dear half my shadow my light
you ghost not you body have
your osmium past is mine
come-here me-take burden-off
please cry onto my shoulder
fine cry-cry fine okay
oh damn my dear twin
accident-birth happen why?
i still see you standing tall before me
connect-together let-go never
until the very end of my days
heavens ceiling crack-open
open with a beam of light
your face bright
forever ageless
double-helix ready climb
signaling memory to come
us-two stand-rise-together
as one in fetal embrace
f-e-t-u-s open-up-flower
a trillion times over
become one-one meet-become one
newly born
us-two sign-sing-sign-sing
in a language only our own
the language of ghosts
learn fingersnaps can’t
subtexts with no context
g-l-o-s-s-a-r-y impossible
im a catalog of grievances
but me want forgive-forgive still
in my concordances
me try speak-speak
of nonsensical idioms
v-o-w-e-l-s speak-speak
vanished from my tongue
left what hands-these
having captured shadow itself
stand wide-open sun-fall-on-face
one day all orphans of the world
gather together will not angry sad
but in that hazy aura
stand lonely where
by the brick wall on west arch street
me long-ago stand alone
daydreamed revenge
my wings heavy why me sin finish
rage alone isnt enough fuel
wings-fly can’t
together these orphans & i
nod-nod-nod-each-other
together we will walk as one
each city world touch-touch-touch
people shall hear our massive silence
silence power strong
no matter how anyone tries
grief translate-translate impossible
we learn it when we dont want to
stand-in-rows-move-together
we dont have to shout epithets
individual story-story float-swirl-up
just like the north winds
gust-gust
they only have to breathe us in
us-awaken remember wow
im just a ghost made of flesh
hearing family fit-right-in should
but you know what happened
me stuck same-old-same-old
between alive & dead
hearing family lie-lie build-build-up
my dear half my shadow my light
you ghost not you body have
your osmium past is mine
come-here me-take burden-off
please cry onto my shoulder
fine cry-cry fine okay
oh damn my dear twin
accident-birth happen why?
i still see you standing tall before me
connect-together let-go never
until the very end of my days
heavens ceiling crack-open
open with a beam of light
your face bright
forever ageless
double-helix ready climb
signaling memory to come
us-two stand-rise-together
as one in fetal embrace
f-e-t-u-s open-up-flower
a trillion times over
become one-one meet-become one
newly born
us-two sign-sing-sign-sing
in a language only our own
Source: Poetry (January 2021)